#19 Complain about how you're tired of the lesbian dating scene and just want to find "the one."

There are two things lesbians fear most in the world: 1) the Indigo Girls announcing their retirement and 2) being single. We are so terrified at the thought of having to "date" and "get to know someone before co-signing a mortgage" we usually jump from one committed relationship to another with zero downtime. On the off chance we don't have a girl already lined up, we end up testing the murky waters of the Lesbian Dating Pool, where going on more than two dates in your lifetime qualifies you as a grizzled veteran.

#18 Imagine and insert a lesbian subtext in any TV show or movie featuring two or more women.

Perhaps it's wishful thinking. Perhaps we know something the actresses, writers, directors, producers, and all other viewers of the show do not. With our special ELP (Extra-Lesbian Perception) powers, we can spot italicized behavior with swift accuracy: you know, when a look becomes a look, a touch becomes a touch, and a thinly veiled excuse to giggle and fall onto the bed together becomes a thinly veiled excuse to giggle and fall onto the bed together.

Photo: someecards

#17 Wear Carhartt even though you do absolutely no physical or manual labor.

As lesbians, we never know when we might be called upon to suddenly weld something at 10pm on a Tuesday night. Nevermind we don't know how to weld and actually make our living as tax accountants. We will be prepared in our flame retardant Carhartt workwear!

Photo: WorkingPerson

#16 Immediately disappear off the face of the Earth when you enter a relationship.

No one disappears in a puff of domestic bliss more quickly than dykes. The Federal Witness Protection Program often provides its witnesses new identities as freshly coupled lesbians. They will surely never be seen or heard from again. It's impossible to track down two women nesting inside their 1935 Craftsman fixer-upper, especially with Netflix and Thai food delivery at their disposal.

Photo: someecards

#15 Create a bumper sticker collage on your car that summarizes your entire political, religious and personal belief system

(rainbow stickers) + (feminist stickers) + (marriage equality stickers) + (pro-choice stickers) + (dog/cat stickers) + (wicca stickers) + (green party stickers) + (vegetarian stickers) + (anti-war stickers) + (diversity stickers) / (total bumper stickers) = probability car is owned by a lesbian

Photo: Wikipedia

#14 Rename "beating a dead horse" as "having a dialogue."

Topic suggested by one of our intrepid readers!

Ah, the time honored lesbian tradition of processing. The term “paralysis by analysis” did not originate in the workplace…it came from introspective lesbians who fossilized in their sensible chairs after hours of intimate discussion, still clutching their alpaca wool sweaters and mugs of herbal tea for comfort.

The five most important phrases in a lesbian’s lexicon:

1. Let’s talk about me.


2. Let’s talk about you.


3. Let’s talk about us.


4. Let’s talk about our relationship.


5. Let’s talk about me, you, us, and our relationship.

Photo: someecards

#13 Participate in more Spoken Word and Open Mic nights than any one person really should.

Everyone writes tortured, angst-ridden love poetry. What differentiates lesbians is we love to read ours aloud in public.

Photo: someecards