#21 Frequent WNBA games to be with "your people."

Every lesbian pilgrimages to at least one WNBA game a year. That's because WNBA games are thinly veiled lesbian social events. All the dykes in town will go simply to ogle the athletes (is she or isn't she?) and scan the crowd for exes and anyone sitting next to them who might be more than a friend (is she or isn't she?).

It's like the perfect storm of lesbian entertainment: hot female athletes who may or may not be "playing" for our "team," an assortment of people we know and don't know and know through people we know, exes, soon to be exes, nachos, beer, and assigned seating. It's like we were made for one anther. Lesbians + WNBA = BFF.

#20 Be hypercompetitive with the men in your neighborhood when it comes to yard care.

It's an unspoken rivalry, one that permeates every residential street in America and keeps Home Depot in business. We're not edging lawns and mowing in diagonal, equidistant criss-cross patterns for our health. We're doing it because all the straight men on our block do it. We're absolutely terrified that people will think our yard is less fabulous and manicured because there is NO MAN AROUND. So we overcompensate. And compete. Oh, how we compete. That's right Bob-Who-Lives-in-the-Tudor-on-the-corner, we're talking about you.

Who cares if we choke on gas blower fumes and talk about "hardscapes" more than any person really should. Anything heterosexual men can do, we can do better. Like aerating lawns. And hardscapes, have I mentioned hardscapes?

#9 Stand with your hands in your pockets.

This is the #1 way to spot a lesbian. It does not even occur to straight women to shove their hands deep into the front pockets of their jeans. If you really want to beep on the Gaydar, stand with your legs slightly apart and knees locked. This is known as The Stance. Practice makes perfect.

Photo: preciouskhyatt

#5 Correct other people's grammar and spelling on Craigslist.

The Craigslist W4W section breaks down as follows: 20% queer women, 20% straight men posing as queer women, and 60% former Spelling Bee Champions. We consider it our civic duty to punish those who use improper apostrophes and dare post without first consulting the Chicago Manual of Style. Can you spell p-a-s-s-i-v-e...a-g-g-r-e-s-s-i-v-e?

Photo: thiagofest [stock.xchng]