Dogs love fleece and establishing pack dominance almost as much as lesbians. They are our kindred spirits and we treat them like family members upon whom we project our hopes, insecurities and unresolved mother issues. We let them ride shotgun...they feed us french fries. We break up with a girl...they tell us they never liked her anyway and fetch us a stuffed HRC pillow with which to dry our tears. A dyke's best friend, indeed.
Photo: Costume Craze
All lesbian cat owners suffer from Stockholm Syndrome. We take great pride in being strong, independent women but at home, we gladly succumb to the will of Little Furry Beings Who Rule With An Iron Paw. Our cats hold us hostage and we have the slowly healing scars and pee-stained beds to prove it. But that's just how they show love. They love us. Really. They do. They do! THEY DO!!!
Photo: Amazon
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If you are a baby dyke and do not have a fauxhawk, get thee to a stylist immediately. Make haste, young lesbian, and don't forget the pomade!
Photos: nadja.robot, Jill Greenseth [flickr]
#5 Correct other people's grammar and spelling on Craigslist.
Thursday, June 26, 2008 | Labels: behavior, relationships
The Craigslist W4W section breaks down as follows: 20% queer women, 20% straight men posing as queer women, and 60% former Spelling Bee Champions. We consider it our civic duty to punish those who use improper apostrophes and dare post without first consulting the Chicago Manual of Style. Can you spell p-a-s-s-i-v-e...a-g-g-r-e-s-s-i-v-e?
Photo: thiagofest [stock.xchng]
Lesbians prefer to date women of similar size and style. The #1 perk of homosexuality is the ability to double one's wardrobe and quite frankly, it's the sole reason any of us sign up for Team Sappho. Critics may deem this a "shared pathological urge to merge" and "frugality gone horribly awry." We prefer to call it "bonding" and "enough ringer tees to go around."
Photo: American Girl Dolls
Lesbian relationships never truly end. They linger and drag until one partner mercifully packs up her Lilith Fair memorabilia and moves in with the vegan massage therapist she's known for two weeks. Contrary to popular belief, living with an ex and dating others does not pose a problem. Chances are, the woman you're dating is also living with her ex. Mazel Tov!
#2 Create drama in every facet of your life where it did not exist before.
Friday, June 20, 2008 | Labels: life
For lesbians, life is a stage. Lead actress, supporting role, director...it doesn't matter. The more theatrics the better. We thrive on tension, plot twists, pyrotechnic explosions, stunning climaxes and, depending on the severity of the break-up, car chases.
Lesbians are Very Serious People (VSP). We like to stand around and discuss matters of grave importance: ourselves.
Photo: stock.xchng
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