There are two things lesbians fear most in the world: 1) the Indigo Girls announcing their retirement and 2) being single. We are so terrified at the thought of having to "date" and "get to know someone before co-signing a mortgage" we usually jump from one committed relationship to another with zero downtime. On the off chance we don't have a girl already lined up, we end up testing the murky waters of the Lesbian Dating Pool, where going on more than two dates in your lifetime qualifies you as a grizzled veteran.
Monday, July 28, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: dating
Friday, July 25, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: social
Sunday, July 20, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: fashion
As lesbians, we never know when we might be called upon to suddenly weld something at 10pm on a Tuesday night. Nevermind we don't know how to weld and actually make our living as tax accountants. We will be prepared in our flame retardant Carhartt workwear!
Friday, July 18, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: relationships
#15 Create a bumper sticker collage on your car that summarizes your entire political, religious and personal belief system
Wednesday, July 16, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: auto
(rainbow stickers) + (feminist stickers) + (marriage equality stickers) + (pro-choice stickers) + (dog/cat stickers) + (wicca stickers) + (green party stickers) + (vegetarian stickers) + (anti-war stickers) + (diversity stickers) / (total bumper stickers) = probability car is owned by a lesbian
Monday, July 14, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: relationships
Topic suggested by one of our intrepid readers!
Ah, the time honored lesbian tradition of processing. The term “paralysis by analysis” did not originate in the workplace…it came from introspective lesbians who fossilized in their sensible chairs after hours of intimate discussion, still clutching their alpaca wool sweaters and mugs of herbal tea for comfort.
The five most important phrases in a lesbian’s lexicon:
- Let’s talk about me.
- Let’s talk about you.
- Let’s talk about us.
- Let’s talk about our relationship.
- Let’s talk about me, you, us, and our relationship.
Saturday, July 12, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: social
Thursday, July 10, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: fashion
Lesbians love golf. I think it’s because we’re encouraged to wear polo shirts and pleated shorts. Not to mention sweater vests and visors. What's really awesome is being able to stroll off the 18th fairway and go straight to a coffee date at Starbucks without having to change outfits.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: dating
- Find a woman whose online profile you fancy.
- Analyze every detail of the three blurry, poorly sized photos she posted.
- Assume intimacy because you know her astrological sign and preferences when it comes to her date's alcohol consumption.
- Overshare and overshare some more in lengthy email conversations.
- Declare your love after the fifth email.
- Finally arrange to meet (in person!) your long-awaited soulmate and the woman of your dreams.
- Within 15 minutes of meeting become crushed, bewildered, jaded and angry when she turns out to be nothing like you imagined.
- Go home.
- Never contact her again.
- Swear off online dating because you never meet anyone normal.
Sunday, July 6, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: life
Friday, July 4, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: behavior
Thursday, July 3, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:10 PM | Labels: hair
#8 Go to a bar, see a cute girl, discuss her with your friends, watch her all night, never talk to her and go home.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: dating
We lesbians are a shy bunch. It's a miracle we ever get together. We prefer to hide under the brims of our baseball caps and post desperate, cryptic "Missed Connections" on Craigslist the next day.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008 Posted by LIM at 1:00 AM | Labels: hair